i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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