I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
