Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
