oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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