you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
