neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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