sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
