sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
