I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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