At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
