Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
