Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
