I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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