Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
