Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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