So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
