Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
