hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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