What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
