I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
