I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
