So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
