The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize