...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
