bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
