thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
