Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
