So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
