your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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