I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize