just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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