I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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