She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
