Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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