It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
