Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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