Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I want is dick and wine.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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