This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
