When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
