Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
