oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
