I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone signed my nipple.
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