Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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