like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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