Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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