I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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