is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
