this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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