apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
