I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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