today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
