my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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