Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
