she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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