Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm always down for nudity.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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