if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
