Pregnant stripper...not hot.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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