just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
