hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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