i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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