YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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