I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize