I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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