I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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