Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
