Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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