Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
