Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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