At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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