you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize