I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
