You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
