The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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