So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
