I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
