Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
