Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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