like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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