apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
