I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize