Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
