The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
